Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
