went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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