They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
