OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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