I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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