Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
