: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize