I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My vagina is officially offended.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
