how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
