It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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