is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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