I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
