babies were throwing up all over the place
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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