two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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