I accidentally had phone sex last night
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I love you.
Bad choice
Dear god my vagina.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
