so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
