At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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