You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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