What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
