Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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