I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
