Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
