Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
