You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
