Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
