so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I wear drunk well.
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