Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
