there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
