The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
