I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
