I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
