i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
