we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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