My liver just broke up with me...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
