Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
