I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize