I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
