i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
