it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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