thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
