we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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