Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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