At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
