it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
