So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
