I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
