were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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