just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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