Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
