After last night, I could never be a politician.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Randomize
