i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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