btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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