I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
