im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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