you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
