Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
