Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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