Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
