Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
