Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
