apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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