In the future we'll all be gay
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
