I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Terrible idea I love it
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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