According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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