Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
