I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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