I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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