I just saw a hot homeless man
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
