i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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