barbara walters just said penis...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
