you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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