I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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