I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
