capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
