The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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