It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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