I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
