he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
