half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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