You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
