Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
