The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
