I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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