I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
