i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
