Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
