i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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